So.....here we are, 19th January 2018. Some of you have followed my randomness for a few years now on various platforms and others of you are just entering into the World of colour, cublets, yarn, Mr H, hooks, crochet, knitting, gin, chocolate, twatty dog, pissy cat, shoes, sea, mess, crisps, Poldark, glitter, Luton Town FC, beards, wine and blatant and unnecessary swearwords for the first time.
I figured that a good intro would be to throw out a few facts about me, curb your curiosity a bit. Don't expect them to be useful, or relevant, or insightful or any of that shiz though.....you'll find none of that here!
OK, now I have to think of the things, let's start with......
- I am a child of the 70's.
I ate mud, rode a bike without a helmet, made 'perfume' from flower petals and saliva, practised snogging on a 'Girls World', taped all my music from the Top40 on a Sunday evening, and farking loved every minute of it!! I could tell you that I was born at 11.59pm of 31st December 1979.......that's a big lie though.....I do remember the Silver Jubilee, I won a Union Jack eraser at our little Town's celebration, I can't remember how I won it, maybe a fabulous handstand competition, or straightest fringe.....who knows? Anyhoo......70's & 80's.....all over that, love floating back in my little memory bank and reminiscing.
- I don't know my left from my right.
Well obviously I do. I know I write with my right hand and that left is that way *points to her left, but how would you know that she is pointing the right way....huh, and not the 'right' way, the left way......BRAIN EXPLODES.....PIECES OF MUSH EVERYWHERE*
It's fair to say that, when put on the spot I have difficulty determining which is left and which is right, and if you throw 'my left, your right' in the the equation.....*BRAIN EXPLODES.....PIECES OF MUSH EVERYWHERE*.
Come along to any dance, instruction based fitness class with me.....it is hilarious. Not only will I be guaranteed to go the wrong way, I am also the 'random clapper', just a beat behind everyone else. This is perhaps why I am also the fattest in the class.....this is another big lie....there is no class for fucks sake!
Just know that if you are in my neck of the woods, and need to ask someone for directions, I am not your Woman.
Last one......I am only giving you three today, so that you come back for more (and because I am hungry!)
- I only learnt to crochet in November 2011.
I have not spent all my formative years surrounded by yarn, my obsession is relatively new. Never did I imagine that I would forge a living out of something I couldn't even do a few years ago! What else can't I do now that will become a staple in my later life? This is one of my 'ponder and procrastinate' questions.......I would love to know what you think!! Am I the World's finest xylophone player, I just don't know it yet? Is there a late career in quantum mechanics on the horizon, or can I park an aeroplane like a bitch......?
(actually, considering how I park a VW Passatt that last one is pretty unlikely)
So there you go.....I have gone forth and informed today, with information that is of fuck all value to anyone, but may have just put a little smile on your face.....and my job is therefore done xx